a muslim brother in need of help

[naba123]

Thank you all for responding to my earlier question about shiah and sunni marriage. I am a 17 year old muslim brother from palestine, but I live in the United States. Lulua asked in her latest response about whether the love I have for this girl was something of first sight or developed over time. Let me explain...I have alot to say that I did not say, and may Allah forgive me for not making this clear from the start.

I am a senior in high school right now. As a muslim man, I never allowed myself to get close to girls. For the respect of my deen and allah, I did not allow myself to be distracted by the distractions in the american school system, such as drugs, sex, beer, etc. And I still dont. But this year, I met a nice persian girl in my biology class. She and I became friends in October, and everything was great between us. We became really good friends and I found myself all of a sudden feeling something different. I cannot explain it, but I began to feel for this girl like I never felt for anyone before. Yes she was shiah, but I looked beyond that. I realized that this girl made me happy...she was not only my best friend...my sister in islam...she was something more to me.

Well in January, after 4 months of a great friendship, this girl revealed to me that she liked me like she had never liked somebody before. May allah forgive me, but I was blinded by the Shaitan. I allowed myself to get in a relationship with this girl...and for 2 weeks, everything was fine. But one night i realized what i was doing was haram...yes she was my first kiss and nothing more than that...but something inside of me did not feel right. So I told the girl that I thought it was best for us to remain friends.

Now it is nearly April. I love this girl...I love her for the sake of Allah...but now I am afraid. She tells me that she and I will never be more than friends...and it hurts me brothers and sisters. I have written her a letter...I have not read it to her yet...but I want to make it clear to her that I did not "let her go" because I did not like her...I let her go because of Islam. I cannot do wrong. I cant. I cannot live with myself knowing I am doing something against the will of allah. I want to tell this girl that I feel for her as more than a sister in Islam...but that I wish we just agree to see how things go and place faith in the hands of allah and that when i am done college and have a job that she will be the first muslim girl i will ask for. Brothers and sisters, i know I am young. I know. No one has to tell me that. But I know that what I feel inside of me is different...I cannot explain it, but it is. I have made prayer to Allah...and I realize now that I have nothing to fear but him. That I should not fear approaching this girl face to face...which i have never done since i "let her go"...and tell her how i feel. May Allah forgive me for allowing the Shaitan to overcome me and make me lose my mind...but now I have a great chance to mend things with me and her, and perhaps things will even be better than b4 one day. All i know now is that I will not allow myself to be romantically involved with a girl ever again until I can be serious and get married. Now i know why allah forbid relations b4 marriage...it just leads to broken hearts and fractured friendships. May Allah bless you all for reading this young palestinians problems thank you and I appreciate any advice on this issue, especially from the sisters, because god knows muslim men do not understand their muslim sisters just kidding. well hopefully I can get a response soon...may allah bless all those u love. take care. wasalaam.

[Rasha]

[updated:LAST EDITED ON 10-04-02 AT 00:46 AM (GMT)]Assalamu alikom....

first of all, love for the sake of Allah comes only when you love someone who HELPS YOU COME CLOSER TO ALLAH.... I know of people who met for Allah, and loved each other for Allah... this means... that the person u say you love when u see them... u remember Allah... when u talk to them, they are constantly telling u about Allah... people who being friends with bring u closer to Allah. THESE are the people u really love for Allah.

It is natural for a man and a woman to have feelings when they come closer... this is why islam prohibits mixing... i believe that what u feel towards this girl is a result of knowing each other... of actually mixing and talking as friends... which is what happens when u mix.

The kiss and what not will just also add to it and make u really believe u love her.. but think of it deeply... there is no such thing as stupid love... true love is the one that starts with firm roots and grows strong with good nutrition and then florishes and gives its fruits... this all is when it has islam as the water that helps it grow. If u had met this girl, and you both have learned to love Allah together, or if u were simply any regular muslim who doesn't know much about deen and then all of a sudden after meeting her and stuff she teaches u about Allah and then u start to grow that love for her.. this would be love for Allah. then the friendship grows AS FRIENDS only for the sake of Allah where all the discussion are about islam and life... things that islam discusses and not stupid movies and music (i'm not saying this is what u did but just simply saying what the rules are and u can decide for urself)... and when you do not tell her i love u i do this i miss u i i i i... when this "infatuation" is not there....and all you feel is... i love the way she thinks.. i love the way she reminds me of Allah, i love the way she fears Allah, she says things which always reminds me of Allah... then this is the right love. But when there is love for no purpose.. just love... this is false.. this is fake! It goes with time...

remember... Allah is there... seek refuge with Allah from Satan... spend ur time with your brothers in islam, in masjid, fast if possible... this will keep u safe inshaAllah... recite Quraan for it is a cure for ur heart.. put ur emotions in islam instead

This life is short... we don't have lots of time to waste on trial and error... islam layed out for us the right path....we must walk on it...

you will grow up...and few years from now.. u will like different things!

Ask help from Allah, do qeyam al lyl , read quraan, memorize quraan... and have a male friend with u all the time.. this will help... and may Allah bring us all back to his right path. Ameen.

wassalam

[Nzingha]

as salaam alaikum

I didn't read all of your post, it made some confessions that I'm not comfortable reading. Not because it may be the worst thin in the world.. but because it is said.. what Allah has kept hidden for you or someone else.. you should not reveal it.. it may be that Allah will keep it hidden for you on the day of judgement.

We shouldnt expose our wrong doings, even if we think we are annonymous.

ma salaam
nzingha

[servant_of_Allah]

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

Assalamu Alaykum !

I am sorry, but i too, didn't read your posts (sister Rasha and the brother) in its entirety. However, i got to read sister Nzingha's post.

She has mentioned an extremely important thing. Jazaakum Allah Khair dear sister for this reminder, Masha Allah.

Wassalamu Alaykum,
servant of Allah.

[Lulua]

[updated:LAST EDITED ON 18-04-02 AT 06:27 PM (GMT) by Tayeb (admin)]Assalaamu alaikum.

I must confess that I did read all the posts, not because of nosiness to know what happened, but in order to know better how to respond.

Firstly, let me say that I agree with Sr. Nzingha and servant of Allah that it is not necessary to make public confessions of any sins or approachments towards sinful acts. Sr. Nzingha has touched upon an important aspect of Islam with this comment, and I will relay to you a remembrance I have of a hadith in this respect.

Please note that I am not quoting this hadith verbatim, but rather relating to you what I recall of it. It is said that the worst of the believers on the Day of Judgement will be he who had been protected during his life (i.e. Allah kept secret his sins from the sight of the public), and yet exposed himself (i.e. revealed to the public that which had been protected as secret by Allah).

Now, br. Naba...I am not accusing you of being bad or anything like that, by your very confession here. It is not my position nor the position of anyone else to judge you. Neither by your very act of confessing, nor by the instances which you confessed. However, this is simply a strong reminder to you and to others that it is not necessary to reveal to everyone every detail of your life. What Allah keeps hidden from others is not necessary to make common knowledge for others.

Also, br....please do forgive me if any question or comment that I made in my previous response in any manner inclined you or convinced you of the necessity to confess to us your reasons for loving this girl. That surely was not my intention. Perhaps the mistake here is mine, and please do forgive me if that is what came thru to you. May Allah forgive me if this is so.

Let me now address the situation as explained by the br. We all sin. We all fall to temptation at one time or another. Our differences being only in the form or the type of the sin, and the extent to which we let ourselves fall. You are to be commended, br. Naba, in that you have realized your sin, as well as the extent to which you have sinned, and you have now set your sites on correcting that measure of falling. That is a great accomplishment, and something that not all are able to do. Even some of the most seemingly religious and pious older persons.

One main piece of advice...always seek Allah's protection and guidance. Never leave that bit of dua off of your lips. Whether in the prayer or otherwise. We all need Allah's guidance and protection, and if we do not seek it, it is evident that we will not attain it.

About this girl, you have done remarkably well to avoid any more such contact. In particular if you are doing this for the sake of Allah, for the sake of seeking His pleasure. And, if it is true love which is from Allah, and the relationship is something which is written for you to be, then it will be. Rest assured that if it is not to be, then it will fade away, and it will be better for you in the long run. You may be rather young in years, but you are still at the age in which you are responsible for yourself, responsible for your actions, and responsible for your own soul. So, what you do from here is to be the action point on which your future life depends upon.

I suggest that you first of all ensure that you attend proper attention to the mandatory prayers. Once you have accomplished that, then also make sure that you attend to the voluntary prayers as well (mainly the ones related to the mandatory prayers, and the witr prayer, and the tahajjud prayer-even if only one rakah). After that, then seek Allah's guidance by performing the 'istikharah' (guidance) prayer, in this matter, and all other matters of importance in your life. If you are not familiar with the established dua said in this prayer (istikharah), please make note of it here, and I shall post it for you, inshaAllah. If you are familiar with it, then you are certainly aware of what I am talking about in reference to this prayer. Perform this prayer, including in it the question or matter at hand (about the desired relationship with this girl). Certainly, if it is best for you, then Allah will grant it and make ease for you in attaining it (i.e. marriage to this girl). And if it is not in your best interest, then Allah will make it pass, and will also make you please with the resulting incidence.

May Allah help you, and may He help and guide us all.

Lulua.

[Lulua]

Assalaamu alaikum.

Ah...knew that I was missing something in my previous reply. Sister Rasha has already touched slightly upon this.

Now you know, br. Naba...why the Islamic viewpoint and insistance that ppl of the opposite sexes not interact or be in vicinity with each other alone, who are not mahrams of one another. Hard lesson to learn, but that is why.

Now you can pass this vital information and advice from experience on to others. Without expressing the details of your own experiences, that is. Just simple advice with emphasis on the importance of avoiding such contact or even situations which facilitate such contact.

May Allah help you, and help us all.

Lulua.

[momina]

Assalamu Alaikum,
Can someone please quote the exact hadith about the matter concerning exposing one's sins (the one that has been mentioned in the above posts). I want the hadith so that I can read it to my brothers and sisters.
Waasalaam,
Momina.

[Lulua]

Assalaamu alaikum.

From Sahih Al-Bukhari:

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 95:
Narrated Abu Huraira:

I heard Allah's Apostle saying. "All the sins of my followers will be forgiven except those of the Mujahirin (those who commit a sin openly or disclose their sins to the people). An example of such disclosure is that a person commits a sin at night and though Allah screens it from the public, then he comes in the morning, and says, 'O so-and-so, I did such-and-such (evil) deed yesterday,' though he spent his night screened by his Lord (none knowing about his sin) and in the morning he removes Allah's screen from himself."


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And another, related, yet different:(this is concerning Allah's Mercy in that although we have accumulated sins, yet there is still hope that He will take Mercy upon us and forgive us for those sins. This hadith also deals with the point that Allah does conceal our sins in this world from the sight of others, yet on the judgement day, all will come back before us, and all of our selves will testify for or against us, not according to our own wills, as is in this life.)

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 96:
Narrated Safwan bin Muhriz:

A man asked Ibn 'Umar, "What did you hear Allah's Apostle saying regarding An-Najwa (secret talk between Allah and His believing worshipper on the Day of Judgment)?" He said, "(The Prophet said), "One of you will come close to his Lord till He will shelter him in His screen and say: Did you commit such-and-such sin? He will say, 'Yes.' Then Allah will say: Did you commit such and such sin? He will say, 'Yes.' So Allah will make him confess (all his sins) and He will say, 'I screened them (your sins) for you in the world, and today I forgive them for you."'

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