Lulua
22-01-2002, 08:51
Subj: Polygyny - Sharing the Thoughts
Date: 1/19/02 4:58:03 AM Pacific Standard Time
From: muslimfamilyonline@hotmail.com
Polygyny - Sharing the Thoughts
Sister Jaseerah
I would be making my speech untruthful if I claimed that when I embraced
Islam I was all for Polygyny, on the contrary the very ideology of any
potential husband of mine taking on another wife frightened me tremendously.
I was frightened to the point that I purposely sought to marry a man who
claimed not to want a second wife. I was so frightened to accept such a way
of life that I made excuses for such men and such situations. I claimed that
I would only "Allow" my husband to marry a widow or a poor woman who might
have to turn to a haraam way of life in order to earn her living. But now
when I think back on my Selfish and Ignorant attitude I realize my grave
mistakes. The first mistake I made was thinking that as the wife I had the
audacity to dictate to my husband whether he could or could not practice the
right which Allah made permissible for him. And the second mistake was again
thinking that I had the right to control whom my husband would desire.
Alhamdullilah (All praise to Allah) after learning more of the deen and
accepting Islam as a total way of life I find the beauty and complete
gratification of Allah's Hikmah(wisdom). Even to the point where I become
disgusted with the men who give up their God given right of taking another
wife because they allow for their present wife to regulate their desires,
and I become silently embarrassed by the women who have the level of
thinking that initially manifested itself in my daily thoughts.
The prophet (pbuh) said, "that anyone who rejects my sunnah is not of me".
We as people claiming to be Muslims and constantly striving to be of
Al-Muttaqun must come to the realization that by denying any aspect of the
Quran and Sunnah, we are treading dangerous, treacherous, waters. A path
that will inevitable lead us to our own demise.
Alla h(swt) said, "marry two, three, four wives, but if your fear that you
will be unable to deal justly with them then marry only one." Indeed there
is Hikmah behind Allah(swt) words when one contemplates them.
Allah (swt) also illustrates the differences between men and women
throughout his glorious book. Men and women are by nature different.
Remember Allah created man first then made the woman from the rib of the
man. Man and woman complement each other, because they are indeed incomplete
without each other. The simple fact that Allah(swt) chose to create the man
first emphasizes that the man is the headship over the woman. When men and
woman learn and accept the nature of each other they InShaAllah(God
Willing), will be able to live with each other in happiness.
As a woman I know women are jealous, that is indeed part of our nature. And
as a woman I have also grown to know that men desire more than one woman
that too is there nature. And to constrict both of these aspects of
personality could lead to undesirable feelings towards one another and
finally a relationship built on unhappy times. But when a man accepts that a
woman is jealous he must then take the next step and learn how to
consolidate her in her jealousy. For a man who desires more than one wife,
he must learn the personalities of all of his wives, (indeed a task which I
as a woman would never envy). No two women are the same! A man might be able
to satisfy one of his wives with a simple flower he picked from a garden,
while the other wife might be more elucidated by receiving a phone call in
the middle of the day from her husband just to say how much he loves her.
When taking on the responsibility of caring for more than one woman a man
must be very giving and patient. Indeed a man must wear many faces when
trying to satisfy each wife. But if he is just and kind, he (InShaAllah)
will find pleasures in all of them. On the contrary the woman must remember
that we are in this life only for a short time therefore our husbands,
aren't really ours, they are just "on loan" to us for a short while.
Therefore as a woman we should not ask to much, nor should we set up
competition with the other wives,(nor should the husband set an atmosphere
of competition), and we should be willing to give that which we love. And to
most women if not all, that which we love most in this dunyah are our
children and our husbands.
To most men the burden of satisfying the initial wife wears so heavily upon
them the very thought of taking on a second, third, or even a fourth deems
virtually impossible. Many women become so wrapped up in the dunyah that
they become more emotionally distraught if their husbands don't buy them a
bigger house or the newest car on the market, then becoming overwhelmingly
sadden when they witness a woman in need of a husband to compensate her
emotionally, mentally, economically, sexually, and psychologically.
If women develop the concept of loving for our brother/sister that which we
love for ourselves, they would grow to realize that the pleasure of their
husband's taking on additional wives falls more on the woman than it does
the man. You should want the best woman for your husband and inturn she will
be the best woman for your entire family. The one who has taqwaa will be
like a sister to the other wives, a mother to the children, a friend to the
families, and a companion to the husband. She should seek wives for her
husband who are stronger in certain aspects of the deen then they are so
each other can complement one another. As a whole (all four wives), the
husband would have the illusion that indeed Allah has blessed him with the
perfect wife, because they would be as one body.
As I previously stated it saddens me when I see that many men have only one
wife or that many men marry Kufar women and openly claim, "they are not
Kufar they are People of the Book", even though they know most of the women
don't believe in the oneness of Allah nor are the women pious or chaste. It
saddens me moreso now because so many women are seeking husbands. The
reality of men not marrying more than one wife (because in their culture
(although Muslim) finds the whole idea unsettling to the stomach), many men
have crepe into the undesirable way of life and have now taken on the ways
of the Kufar by having girlfriends and or mistresses. This way of life has
done nothing but aided in the destruction of the Western Society. And like
the women of the west many Muslim women would knowing accept the mistress
but would never tolerate a co-wife. Indeed all parties play an intricate
part in the haraam.
I would like to conclude by publicizing the fact that, no I am not married.
I purposely pronounce this to you for this reason. I'm sure many people will
say, how on earth can someone write about a way of life when they have never
experienced it for themselves. I will respond to that in this manner,
although someone may not be a doctor when asked what would aide in the
treatment of the common cold I'm sure they can give you an antidote.
Brothers and Sisters please forgive me if I have said anything wrong. Surely
whatever I said that was wrong was from myself and from the misguidance of
the Shaitan, and whatever I said that was right and good was solely from the
guidance of Allah(swt). I pray that Allah purifies my intentions and that he
makes my speech truthful and that he makes me live up to my speech. I pray
that Allah(swt) makes all of us adhere to all of the conditions of La illaha
illalah, and that he makes all of us willingly and without hesitation accept
his speech (The Quran), and his example he sent as a mercy to mankind (his
prophet and his sunnah). Allah please make all of us strive to perfect our
deen and our character. Allah please keep us all far far away from the
shirk, bidaa (innovation), nifaq(hypocrisy), and Kufr(disbelief). Aameen
SubahanakAllahumma wa bihamdika ashadu allaailaaha illAllah illa ant
astugfiruka wa atubuilaayk.
Date: 1/19/02 4:58:03 AM Pacific Standard Time
From: muslimfamilyonline@hotmail.com
Polygyny - Sharing the Thoughts
Sister Jaseerah
I would be making my speech untruthful if I claimed that when I embraced
Islam I was all for Polygyny, on the contrary the very ideology of any
potential husband of mine taking on another wife frightened me tremendously.
I was frightened to the point that I purposely sought to marry a man who
claimed not to want a second wife. I was so frightened to accept such a way
of life that I made excuses for such men and such situations. I claimed that
I would only "Allow" my husband to marry a widow or a poor woman who might
have to turn to a haraam way of life in order to earn her living. But now
when I think back on my Selfish and Ignorant attitude I realize my grave
mistakes. The first mistake I made was thinking that as the wife I had the
audacity to dictate to my husband whether he could or could not practice the
right which Allah made permissible for him. And the second mistake was again
thinking that I had the right to control whom my husband would desire.
Alhamdullilah (All praise to Allah) after learning more of the deen and
accepting Islam as a total way of life I find the beauty and complete
gratification of Allah's Hikmah(wisdom). Even to the point where I become
disgusted with the men who give up their God given right of taking another
wife because they allow for their present wife to regulate their desires,
and I become silently embarrassed by the women who have the level of
thinking that initially manifested itself in my daily thoughts.
The prophet (pbuh) said, "that anyone who rejects my sunnah is not of me".
We as people claiming to be Muslims and constantly striving to be of
Al-Muttaqun must come to the realization that by denying any aspect of the
Quran and Sunnah, we are treading dangerous, treacherous, waters. A path
that will inevitable lead us to our own demise.
Alla h(swt) said, "marry two, three, four wives, but if your fear that you
will be unable to deal justly with them then marry only one." Indeed there
is Hikmah behind Allah(swt) words when one contemplates them.
Allah (swt) also illustrates the differences between men and women
throughout his glorious book. Men and women are by nature different.
Remember Allah created man first then made the woman from the rib of the
man. Man and woman complement each other, because they are indeed incomplete
without each other. The simple fact that Allah(swt) chose to create the man
first emphasizes that the man is the headship over the woman. When men and
woman learn and accept the nature of each other they InShaAllah(God
Willing), will be able to live with each other in happiness.
As a woman I know women are jealous, that is indeed part of our nature. And
as a woman I have also grown to know that men desire more than one woman
that too is there nature. And to constrict both of these aspects of
personality could lead to undesirable feelings towards one another and
finally a relationship built on unhappy times. But when a man accepts that a
woman is jealous he must then take the next step and learn how to
consolidate her in her jealousy. For a man who desires more than one wife,
he must learn the personalities of all of his wives, (indeed a task which I
as a woman would never envy). No two women are the same! A man might be able
to satisfy one of his wives with a simple flower he picked from a garden,
while the other wife might be more elucidated by receiving a phone call in
the middle of the day from her husband just to say how much he loves her.
When taking on the responsibility of caring for more than one woman a man
must be very giving and patient. Indeed a man must wear many faces when
trying to satisfy each wife. But if he is just and kind, he (InShaAllah)
will find pleasures in all of them. On the contrary the woman must remember
that we are in this life only for a short time therefore our husbands,
aren't really ours, they are just "on loan" to us for a short while.
Therefore as a woman we should not ask to much, nor should we set up
competition with the other wives,(nor should the husband set an atmosphere
of competition), and we should be willing to give that which we love. And to
most women if not all, that which we love most in this dunyah are our
children and our husbands.
To most men the burden of satisfying the initial wife wears so heavily upon
them the very thought of taking on a second, third, or even a fourth deems
virtually impossible. Many women become so wrapped up in the dunyah that
they become more emotionally distraught if their husbands don't buy them a
bigger house or the newest car on the market, then becoming overwhelmingly
sadden when they witness a woman in need of a husband to compensate her
emotionally, mentally, economically, sexually, and psychologically.
If women develop the concept of loving for our brother/sister that which we
love for ourselves, they would grow to realize that the pleasure of their
husband's taking on additional wives falls more on the woman than it does
the man. You should want the best woman for your husband and inturn she will
be the best woman for your entire family. The one who has taqwaa will be
like a sister to the other wives, a mother to the children, a friend to the
families, and a companion to the husband. She should seek wives for her
husband who are stronger in certain aspects of the deen then they are so
each other can complement one another. As a whole (all four wives), the
husband would have the illusion that indeed Allah has blessed him with the
perfect wife, because they would be as one body.
As I previously stated it saddens me when I see that many men have only one
wife or that many men marry Kufar women and openly claim, "they are not
Kufar they are People of the Book", even though they know most of the women
don't believe in the oneness of Allah nor are the women pious or chaste. It
saddens me moreso now because so many women are seeking husbands. The
reality of men not marrying more than one wife (because in their culture
(although Muslim) finds the whole idea unsettling to the stomach), many men
have crepe into the undesirable way of life and have now taken on the ways
of the Kufar by having girlfriends and or mistresses. This way of life has
done nothing but aided in the destruction of the Western Society. And like
the women of the west many Muslim women would knowing accept the mistress
but would never tolerate a co-wife. Indeed all parties play an intricate
part in the haraam.
I would like to conclude by publicizing the fact that, no I am not married.
I purposely pronounce this to you for this reason. I'm sure many people will
say, how on earth can someone write about a way of life when they have never
experienced it for themselves. I will respond to that in this manner,
although someone may not be a doctor when asked what would aide in the
treatment of the common cold I'm sure they can give you an antidote.
Brothers and Sisters please forgive me if I have said anything wrong. Surely
whatever I said that was wrong was from myself and from the misguidance of
the Shaitan, and whatever I said that was right and good was solely from the
guidance of Allah(swt). I pray that Allah purifies my intentions and that he
makes my speech truthful and that he makes me live up to my speech. I pray
that Allah(swt) makes all of us adhere to all of the conditions of La illaha
illalah, and that he makes all of us willingly and without hesitation accept
his speech (The Quran), and his example he sent as a mercy to mankind (his
prophet and his sunnah). Allah please make all of us strive to perfect our
deen and our character. Allah please keep us all far far away from the
shirk, bidaa (innovation), nifaq(hypocrisy), and Kufr(disbelief). Aameen
SubahanakAllahumma wa bihamdika ashadu allaailaaha illAllah illa ant
astugfiruka wa atubuilaayk.