Hasan
07-10-2001, 17:55
Salaam
Don't let the title mislead you, this isn't the definitive answer to that question, but rather an open discussion of why many Muslim brothers may make that choice. Of course we know that it is permissible for a muslim man to marry a chaste woman "of the book", so I don't want to come across as degrading any muslim brother who does make that choice.
What I wanted to concentrate on, and what trend I have seen(particularly in the west) is why muslim men may be choosing to marry non-muslim women over muslim women. Again, a brother is well within his rights to do so, but this can be disheartening to muslim women seeing a good number of men that they are only allowed to wed, choose to do so with a non-muslim woman.
From my perspective of the issue (and I'm very interested in hearing others as well) the main reason for this isn't very complicated or as deviuos as it may sound to some, but rather a result of a religious and cultural collision of Islam and Western culture. In understanding this we need to look no further than the fundamental reasons for a relationship to start. And to me that is first by seeing, and then by communicating, which is the part I want to focus on.
Islamically the way we conduct ourselves between the sexes is to lower our gaze and not indulge in casual intermingling. Myself, I would feel quite awkward just chatting it up with a sister after Jumah, as I'm sure the sister would. Not that I think the sister doesn't have anything interesting to say, or that she doesn't want someone to talk to her, but we abstain from it to preserve our modesty toward one another as Allah commands us to. So obviously communication is in a way limited here, but not altogether forsaken.
On the western culture side we know things are not the same. In the business that I work at, and perhaps like you all as well, men and women are working together at the office conducting business and running a company. The idea in the west is that men and women are practically the same, so should be treated the same.
(Going to side track a bit)
Now that is partially true in Islam but not completely. Allah tells us that we are created from the same nufs(soul or being), but we are "assembled" so to speak, differently giving us different roles and responsibilities. Just like a hammer and a screw driver are both made from metal and wood, but since they are put together differently they serve a different purpose. But no one would say that a hammer is more important than a screw driver or vise versa. The same is the case with men and women, created slightly differently but both important.
(Back to the main issue)
So since they feel that men and women should be treated the same in the work place that means men and women shaking hands on deals, men and women looking at each other to discuss business, men and women working late hours away from their families to get the job done. So on this end we see that communication is obviously encouraged much more between men and women, almost a necessity.
So what I said earlier about muslim men choosing non-muslim women over muslim women was in a way misleading as the men aren't really making a choice, they're just seem to be going with the more visible and vocal option. Because if one is able to build good communications with someone from the opposite sex it's the first big step in starting a serious relationship. And due to this collision of Islamic belief and western culture in our lives it creates almost a disadvantage for many muslim women because not everyone is playing by the same rules.
But I do want to make the point that this shouldn't worry muslim women too much as there are many many muslim men who wouldn't settle for anything other than a muslimah to be their wife. And their faith allows them to look beyond what the eye can see and the ear and hear. So don't feel that non-muslim women are stealing all your men away, but as reasons stated above some brothers may opt to marry someone with whom they have established good communications with.
But that's just my opinion, I could be wrong.
Please let me know what you feel about this.
Don't let the title mislead you, this isn't the definitive answer to that question, but rather an open discussion of why many Muslim brothers may make that choice. Of course we know that it is permissible for a muslim man to marry a chaste woman "of the book", so I don't want to come across as degrading any muslim brother who does make that choice.
What I wanted to concentrate on, and what trend I have seen(particularly in the west) is why muslim men may be choosing to marry non-muslim women over muslim women. Again, a brother is well within his rights to do so, but this can be disheartening to muslim women seeing a good number of men that they are only allowed to wed, choose to do so with a non-muslim woman.
From my perspective of the issue (and I'm very interested in hearing others as well) the main reason for this isn't very complicated or as deviuos as it may sound to some, but rather a result of a religious and cultural collision of Islam and Western culture. In understanding this we need to look no further than the fundamental reasons for a relationship to start. And to me that is first by seeing, and then by communicating, which is the part I want to focus on.
Islamically the way we conduct ourselves between the sexes is to lower our gaze and not indulge in casual intermingling. Myself, I would feel quite awkward just chatting it up with a sister after Jumah, as I'm sure the sister would. Not that I think the sister doesn't have anything interesting to say, or that she doesn't want someone to talk to her, but we abstain from it to preserve our modesty toward one another as Allah commands us to. So obviously communication is in a way limited here, but not altogether forsaken.
On the western culture side we know things are not the same. In the business that I work at, and perhaps like you all as well, men and women are working together at the office conducting business and running a company. The idea in the west is that men and women are practically the same, so should be treated the same.
(Going to side track a bit)
Now that is partially true in Islam but not completely. Allah tells us that we are created from the same nufs(soul or being), but we are "assembled" so to speak, differently giving us different roles and responsibilities. Just like a hammer and a screw driver are both made from metal and wood, but since they are put together differently they serve a different purpose. But no one would say that a hammer is more important than a screw driver or vise versa. The same is the case with men and women, created slightly differently but both important.
(Back to the main issue)
So since they feel that men and women should be treated the same in the work place that means men and women shaking hands on deals, men and women looking at each other to discuss business, men and women working late hours away from their families to get the job done. So on this end we see that communication is obviously encouraged much more between men and women, almost a necessity.
So what I said earlier about muslim men choosing non-muslim women over muslim women was in a way misleading as the men aren't really making a choice, they're just seem to be going with the more visible and vocal option. Because if one is able to build good communications with someone from the opposite sex it's the first big step in starting a serious relationship. And due to this collision of Islamic belief and western culture in our lives it creates almost a disadvantage for many muslim women because not everyone is playing by the same rules.
But I do want to make the point that this shouldn't worry muslim women too much as there are many many muslim men who wouldn't settle for anything other than a muslimah to be their wife. And their faith allows them to look beyond what the eye can see and the ear and hear. So don't feel that non-muslim women are stealing all your men away, but as reasons stated above some brothers may opt to marry someone with whom they have established good communications with.
But that's just my opinion, I could be wrong.
Please let me know what you feel about this.