View Full Version : Women in Islam (re-posting)
I have a question regarding the holy book. It relates to women. I would like to quote a passage from the Qur'an:
4:34
Men are the maintainers of women because Allah has made some of them to excel others and because they spend out of their property; the good women are therefore obedient, guarding the unseen as Allah has guarded; and (as to) those on whose part you fear desertion, admonish them, and leave them alone in the sleeping-places and beat them; then if they obey you, do not seek a way against them; surely Allah is High, Great.
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I would like to ask a few questions (from both men and women) on a few things, please:
1. What do you consider "obedient" in this passage? Do you interpret it as obeying their husband? Obeying the holy rules? Both?
2. Has anyone, according to law, eventually beat their wife(s) lightly when they have feared their desertion? If so, do you feel that this was too harsh a penalty? And what were the circumstances surrounding this punishment you had exercised by law?
3. If they have then commenced obeying you after the punishment, did you find it difficult to not be spiteful ("seek a way against them") against them? I say this only because I would imagine the fear of desertion a husband felt would hurt him emotionally.
Hopefully these questions are not insulting to your faith. They are indeed naive questions from an outsider. Replies would be welcomed.
Just have another question regarding the above post. It is written:
4:128
If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part, there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement is best; even though men's souls are swayed by greed. But if ye do good and practise self-restraint, Allah is well-acquainted with all that ye do.
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I am a little confused as to why there is no punishment to be exercised by a wife on her husband if the same feelings of desertion are felt by her. Can anyone please explain why this is so? Thanks...
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Note: the above was posted in the incorrect forum by me some days ago...
Mardhiah
04-10-2001, 09:29
I will come up with informations later.Just hang on.
Mardhiah Manosr
Om_Mohammed
04-10-2001, 18:36
Assalaamu alaikum ya muslimeen.
Hello, Pokka...and thankyou for abiding by my request in re-posting this topic here in this forum.
Sorry for my delay in answering...I have been having some PC problems.
Before getting into explanation of some of the verses you have presented, let me remind you of some of the basic thoughts in Islam. Men and women were created equal in some aspects, and yet unequal in some other aspects. That is only part of nature. The same thing goes for female/male in all species of life ... mankind as well as all of that in nature. Each is a compliment of the other, helping the other and benefitting from the other, and neither can really survive without the other. This is simple natural event of creation.
Another thing about Islam is, that in studying Islamic laws or values, or even in understanding sometimes what is implicated in the Quran, we search also to the hadith of the prophet(SAAW). This hadith, or collection of hadiths, is a recording of the prophet's(SAAW) life, sayings, practices, which we find within it the exemplification and implementation of the teachings of the Quran. It (the hadiths) of course is not a replacement for the Quran...but merely an enhancement into understanding better the teachings of the Quran. For it (the hadiths), as it is a recording of the prophet's(SAAW) life, is in fact an exemplification of those teachings.
To address the first verse you have some questions about:
4:34
Men are the maintainers of women because Allah has made some of them to excel others and because they spend out of their property; the good women are therefore obedient, guarding the unseen as Allah has guarded; and (as to) those on whose part you fear desertion, admonish them, and leave them alone in the sleeping-places and beat them; then if they obey you, do not seek a way against them; surely Allah is High, Great.
Let me explain first that men are described here as the maintainers of women...and this is to be understood in several aspects and for varrying reasons. Men, by the very nature of the creation itself, are physically endowed to be naturally stronger than women. In most cases, they are of a larger build and stature, and their muscle structure is that which enables them to do more strenuous and lengthy work. This is what pre-disposes men naturally to accomplishing harder (physically) and more enduring jobs(such as maintanence, building, lifting, and all jobs which entail quite strenuous physical activities). As well, in this light, because men are physically pre-disposed to more strenuous physical activity, they are also burdened (in Islamic rule) to more responsibilities, and one of those responsibilities is the financial and physical maintenance of the family. According to Islam, it is the man who is mostly responsible for providing for his family a home, clothing, food, and all that which they need for life sustainance. It is mainly in these respects that men are described in the Quran as being created or ordained as maintainers of women.
That does not mean that the women are subservient to the men...the woman in fact has her own physical qualities as well as mental and emotional which are of no match to the man. Each part of creation was created for a certain purpose, and each one has it's own designated job in life to fulfill. The men and women are in fact, complimentary to one another, helping one another get along, and without each other, pro-creation could not succeed.
The obedience mentioned in the passage is not an obedience to deny the woman her own needs, or something which is in overabundance so as to be in contradiction with Islamic teachings, but merely an obedience to the extent of each one being enabled to fulfill his/her own duties in life, and duties to their Creator, and thereby creating a sense of harmony in the home and in the family.
Also, it is a duty of a woman, in order to fulfil the term of being 'obedient', to protect her husband's interest in all situations...in front of his sight, as well as not within his sight. This means that in his absense from the home (whether it be when he is in travels, or merely in his daily absense in search for sustainance), that she be protective of his property, his home, his family (herself and the children), his money, all that is qualified or termed to be something of his. This is also a description of an obedient wife. A wife who has overceded that description of obedience, is one who has plundered her husband's possessions and his family. More definitive: it is her responsibility to guard her own chastity, watch her children in where they go and with whom and at what times, guarding their chastity, as well as looking out for their studies and learning; guarding his property from intruders and unwelcome guests; not wasting his assets...spending on herself and her children as they need, but not excessively so as to be wasteful; and all other deeds and actions which serve as protecting his (her husbands) interests, and therefore her own, and the interests of the family as a whole. All of this constitutes a dutiful wife. (As well as, of course, attending to her husband's needs and wants while he is at the home).
In Islamic society, and society as a whole, the family unit is the basic unit of any larger structure. When the family unit is poor and failing, the whole of society fails. This is becoming evident in nations and societies where the family unit is changing and depleting. Society as a whole is the looser when the family unit is either failing or perhaps even non-existent. The whole aim of such passages is something not desiring nor aspiring to obsessive suppression of anyone, particularly of the family unit, but designed to promote a sense of unity and comfort, which is reflective on society as a whole.
A note to be remembered, that even for those couples who are married, and if the woman at any time feels oppressed by an over-demanding husband, she is perfectly within her rights not only as a muslimah, but as a human being, to ask for or perhaps insist upon separation or divorce if the need arises. No one is forced to enter into or even remain in a marriage that is unsuitable and uncomfortable for the individual.
That said, I would like to delve a bit more into this obedience question, and that other questions of the beatings. Many people, including muslims themselves, have come to misunderstand and misconstrue the whole aspect of such verses, and therefore have endangered themselves as well as their families into unsuccessful lives and relationships.
Chastity and modesty is something of high regard and high respect in any society, and even more so in Islam. To protect one's self from any kind of illegal sexual encounter or relationship is of the highest moral standard. This goes for before marriage as well as throughout the married life. The only way to legally have such relationships is within the boundaries of marriage, as is described in the Quran and by the laws of God. All other such encounters are strictly prohibited, and those entering into such encounters and relationships cause for themselves great danger of sin.
That said, this verse is dealing with such possibility of such happenings, as well as dealing with the rejection of the wife from her husband. You will notice that the first course of action should be admonishing her, and then perhaps even dissociating from her for a time, and then and only in the last resort, should any physical reaction be made. And this 'beating' is something symbolic more than it is physical. If you will read and discover in the many hadiths, the prophet(SAAW) strictly warned all against physically harming their wives(by such physical beatings) as well as he warned to beware of and be conscious of the well-being of the women folk. In fact, this was a major point in his farewell address to the muslims in his last pilgrimage to Makka, as was it also one of his last words that he spoke at the time of his death. He reminded his followers not only of the great responsibility of caring well for their women, but as well of the great reward that they shall reap.
Now, that said, it is only common sense, as well, that when a problem arises, whether it is coming from the man or the woman, that anger only makes more anger to rise. It is something of an addiction and something which only causes itself to increase when fed. In all relationships, and particularly marriages, a calm and resonable and understanding approach to solving the problem at hand most generally produces better results than does physical violence. Regardless of how severe or how minimal that violence may be.
Now, about beating wives, and ur question if anyone has done so...well, spouse abuse is something terribly and sadly prevelant in all societies and among ppls of all religions. And, perhaps surprisingly to you, such abuse, even in light of such a verse in the Quran, is drastically less in muslim societies than which it is in others. Wife-beating, or partner-beating, is quite prevelant in the US, Britain, and most othe western countries as well. One major cause of it is not only the 'free lifestyle', in which each partner may carry on with ppl of the opposite sex to the point of having free and easy access to extra-marital relationships, but as well substance abuse which is quite common in such societies, not only common, but legal by the law! (this is referring to alcohol, and other types of mind-altering drugs).
Mind you, this is not to say that such physical spousal abuse is not present in muslim societies, and muslim homes...for I know that it does take place. But...it is drastically lower, because perhaps of various contributants. Such would be the absense of alcohol and other mind-altering drugs, the life-style in general (because of the hijab or covering of the women which is a help in avoiding the intermingling of the sexes), the natural segregation from amongst the sexes, as well as reminders by the prophet(SAAW) to caring for the women-folk and the high regard that is held for the man who is kind to his women (this is inclusive of his wife(or wives), sisters, daughters, mother, aunts, etc.).
As far as being spiteful, and the warning in the Quran to not take this approach, actually, this mention was in mention to those who have made reconciliation after an already separation or perhaps first divorce. It was given as a precaution and reminder to men to be kind and loving with their wives. Human nature is quite known, that once a person has been burned once, he or she becomes rather hardened to that, and becomes perhaps a little less loving than before, out of the natural need or sense of self-preservation and protection against further such hurt. This mention of the passage is a reminder that forgiveness should be forgiveness, and that the relationship needs a new start, in order to be successful.
As for the wife, and her options as to what to do when in fear of desertion, again, let us refer back to the nature of their creation. Men and women are different...both physically as well as mentally and emotionally. It is greatly by virtue of the female nature, that she is in greatly more forgiving than the man, and therefore in less need, perhaps of retribution upon him for her fear of desertion. This is just my opinion of it...not a qualified scholar's outlook. But...if you will study human nature, and think about it greatly, I am sure that you will come also to that conclusion. Perhaps not...it is not necessary that you interpret it the same as I do.
But let me also remind you, that the man is permitted to take more than one wife, where the woman is not permitted that same option (to have multiple husbands). This may also be a part of that. Although the woman, once free from a previous marriage, whether through divorce or the death of her husband, is free to marry another man according to her choice. But other than that possibility and permission, it is not possible for a woman to have many husbands, as it is for the man to have more than one wife. And to retain the stability and harmony of the family, it behooves the woman, as well as the man, to try to ensure such stability by coming to terms of agreeability in their own relationship. This helps to promote the pleasantness and happiness of the family as a whole, and therefore society.
For the woman to seek retribution and perhaps divorce at each and every little problem that may come up in the married life,
only serves to undermine that stability.
I hope that this has served to help you even slightly. Sorry for the length...but it is a lengthy questionaire.
Om Mohammed.
>4:34
>Men are the maintainers of women
>because Allah has made some
>of them to excel others
>and because they spend out
>of their property; the good
>women are therefore obedient, guarding
>the unseen as Allah has
>guarded; and (as to) those
>on whose part you fear
>desertion, admonish them, and leave
>them alone in the sleeping-places
>and beat them; then if
>they obey you, do not
>seek a way against them;
>surely Allah is High, Great.
>
I would make a few changes to the translation for instance:
because Allah has made some of them to excel others
a better translation is that Allah has given men preference, or prefered men, in this matter.
and (as to) those on whose part you fear desertion,>>
what is commonly translated as "desertion" is nushuz which in this verse would indicate ill conduct of the sexual kind. This verse is referring to men who fear that their wives are uncovering the "unseen" i.e her private parts to someone she shouldn't.
>
>1. What do you consider "obedient"
>in this passage? Do you
>interpret it as obeying their
>husband? Obeying the holy rules?
>Both?
>
Obedient in this verse indicates that one should be obedient to Allah and therefore in this action is being 'obedient' to their spouses. Because it is calling on a woman to be faithful and not put herself in a sitatuion which would call her husband to fear that she is sleeping around her obedience would be to both. By obeying Allah and guarding her private parts and not coming near zina (illegal sexual contact) she is honoring her marriage and respecting her spouse.
>2. Has anyone, according to law,
>eventually beat their wife(s) lightly
>when they have feared their
>desertion? If so, do you
>feel that this was too
>harsh a penalty? And what
>were the circumstances surrounding this
>punishment you had exercised by
>law?
>
I've never had any personal experience with this verse such as the way you ask.
>3. If they have then commenced
>obeying you after the punishment,
>did you find it difficult
>to not be spiteful ("seek
>a way against them") against
>them? I say this only
>because I would imagine the
>fear of desertion a husband
>felt would hurt him emotionally.
>
>
Many couples have been known to work out problems that they have faced in their marriage. however it is very clear in the Qur'an that a man is not to hold a grudge that he is to act fair towards her if he chooses to remain with her. As a muslim he should not abuse the trust given to him (i.e his wife) and if he fears he will he should divorce her. It is better for her, him and all involved. Remaining in a marriage with hard feelings gives no benefit to the wife, husband or children. It is best in such a situation to leave.
>I am a little confused as
>to why there is no
>punishment to be exercised by
>a wife on her husband
>if the same feelings of
>desertion are felt by her.
>Can anyone please explain why
>this is so? Thanks...
>
A wife is given an option to divorce in the case of nushuz per Qur'an. This is her only option. Perhaps because men are allowed to have more than one wife the islamic position is less lenient with the man. For him to have illegal sexual contact and he can have legal contact with other women by marriage is a very pitiful position. The woman is given the option to leave or stay her choice but only two. However in the verse with a wife being unfaithful the man is given several options in order to correct her behavior with men it is more final.
nzingha
- Never do I argue with a man with a desire to hear him say what is wrong, or to expose him and win victory over him. Whenever I face an opponent in debate I silently pray - O Lord, help him so that truth may flow from his heart and on his tongue, and so that if truth is on my side, he may follow me; and if truth be on his side, I may follow him.
al-Imam Al-Shafi'i
Assalamu-alaikum:
In Portugal there are daily 19 victims of domestic violence. According to an announcement by SIVVD (Servico de Informacao a Vitimas da Violencia Domestica - Information Service for Victims of Domestic Violence) during the first semester of this year, an average of 19 persons per day, mostly women between the ages of 25 and 44, reported physical and psychological violence by men. 99% of Portuguese profess Christianity.
Wa-salaam,
Tayeb
I guess i should make it clear also that this verse is not about "beating" in the sense to bring physical pain but rather shame. this 'beating' can be qualified by another verse in Qur'an where prophet Job pbuh is called to use a handful of grass to beat his wife when he took an oath to do so.
there is nothing in the Qur'an that would allow one to conclude physical abuse what is being called for.
Just a few thoughts...
When talking about the physical attributes of men, it is easy to understand that all men were indeed the ones who provided a family with clothing, food and shelter in the past. But my concern is the reasoning behind this in a modern context. Considering the low percentage of men in jobs where their strength is paramount, wouldn't it be fair to say that the physical ability required in the rearing of children and daily housework is more suited to the modern man than the physically weaker woman? Although there are some jobs that require the might of a male, modern machinery has made human strength almost completely obsolete. Shouldn't this be accounted for, somehow? In fact, it could be very easy to argue that most jobs are suited to women due to the pysically undemanding nature of them, I feel.
Another point concerns the concept of possession. Since males and females complement each other, why is the property considered the male's? If a male has indeed provided money for a family, their possessions have been eqully earned by his wife through the teamwork they have practised. Both parties have worked equally hard, haven't they? Howcome the possessions can only be claimed by the male? I'm a bit concerned about this point. It is furthermore stated that a wife should attend her husband's needs and wants while he is at home. Is this not subservience, though? I understand that you say that a wife's interests are the same as her husband's, but you have not mentioned that this logically requires the husband to attend to his wife's needs when he is at home too.
I suppose what I am saying is that I find many contradictions which I cannot see as ethical. The physical differences between the genders will always remain, but the opportunities available to them are constantly changing. This is due to strength playing a very minor role in employment. Whether a husband or a wife wants to be a home-carer or an accountant means that the opportunities are available to all genders. Their possessions should be shared and not thought of as the money-winner's because it is a partnership, isn't it? Looking after your partner's possessions because they are the source of income whilst being allowed nothing of your own to speak for can have terribly emotionally affecting consequences, can't it? If I were married to a sole income-earning woman whilst I stayed at home looking after the house but could have no say in the house bought by my wife, I would be quite upset. Have we not both invested our energies into the home?
Well, I'll stop here, but there is a lot more I would like to discuss. My next post will do just that.
Assalaamu alaikum ya muslimeen.
Good day and peace to all.
In the Quran, we are advised to follow the example of the prophet(SAAW), as well as to heed his words. His whole life was the eminating of the teachings of the Quran.
Following is an accumulation acquired through various hadiths, to come to the approximation of what the prophet's(SAAW) last sermon at his final Hajj (pilgrimage). You will note that among other things of reminders and advice given to mankind, was also reminders and advice given in reference to women. This is the importance that he envisioned women to have amongst the community, and their level of dignity and importance in society...to raise such a necessity as to be addressed in such a presentation at such a time.
Perhaps this also will give you insight as to the importance of women in Islam and in the partnership of the marriage.
Lulua.
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In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
The Prophet's Last Sermon
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This sermon was delivered on the ninth day of Dhul Hijah, 10 A.H. (632 A.D.) in the valley of Mount Arafat. The contents of the message were collected from different narrations, and there are other parts to it that are not mentioned here. This sermon still needs the authenticity of all of its parts to be checked.
"O People, lend me an attentive ear, for I know not whether, after this year, I shall ever be amongst you again. Therefore, listen to what I am saying to you very carefully and take these words to those who could not be present today.
O People, just as you regard this month, this day, this city as sacred, so regard the life and property of every Muslim as a sacred trust. Return the goods entrusted to you to their rightful owners. Hurt no one so that no one may hurt you. Remember that you will indeed meet your Lord, and that He will indeed reckon your deeds. Allah has forbidden you to take interest, therefore, all interest obligations shall henceforth be waived. Your capital, however, is yours to keep. You will neither inflict nor suffer inequity. Allah has judged that there shall be no interest and that all interest due to Abbas bin Abdul-Muttalib (the prophet's uncle) shall henceforth be waived.
Every right arising out of homicide in pre-Islamic days is henceforth waived and the first such right I waive is that arising from the murder of Rabiyah bin Al-Harith (relative of the prophet). O Men, the unbelievers indulge in tampering with the calendar in order to make permissible that which Allah forbade, and to forbid that which Allah had made permissible. With Allah the months are twelve; four of them are holy; three of these are successive and one occurs singly between the months of Jumadah and Shaaban. Beware of Satan, for the safety of your religion. He has lost all hope that he will ever be able to lead you astray in big things, so beware of following him in small things.
O People, it is true that you have certain right with regard to your women, but they also have rights over you. If they abide by your right then to them belongs the right to be fed and clothed in kindness. Do treat your women well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers. And it is your right that they do not make friends with any one of whom you do not approve, as well as never commit adultery.
O People, listen to me in earnest, worship Allah, say your five daily prayers, fast during the month of Ramadhan, and give your wealth in zakat. Perform Hajj if you can afford to. All mankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab, nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over a black, nor a black has any superiority over white except by piety and good action. Learn that every Muslim is the brother of another Muslim, and that Muslims constitute one brotherhood. Nothing shall be legitimate to a Muslim which belongs to a fellow Muslim unless it was given freely and willingly. Do not, therefore, do injustice to your selves.
Remember, one day you will appear before Allah and answer for your deeds. So beware, do not stray from the path of righteousness after I am gone.
O People, no prophet or apostle will come after me and no new faith will be born. Reason well, therefore, O People, and understand my words which I convey to you. I leave behind me two things, the Quran and my example, the Sunnah, and if you follow these you will never go astray.
All those who listen to me shall pass on my words to others, and those to others again; and may the last ones understand my words better that those who listen to me directly. Be my witness O Allah, that I have conveyed Your message to Your people."
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Home Page of the Muslim Students Association of Oregon State University.
Mardhiah
12-10-2001, 19:29
Assalamualaikum to all Muslims,
Bismillahi-Rahmani-Rahim
Family structure
The building of a strong family stands on four principles.It is the Islamic ways and Insya' Allah would prevent from any bad influences.
1) The life of a family is the base of the society; forming a peaceful and harmonious one for parents and the growing of children
2) It keeps one away from illegal sexual intercourse and brings him to good path
3) It is where love is being planted
4) It protects one from any hardship
An Islamic family musn't go away from these, because they are formed from a system.And it is the system that gives, share and takes, no matter what ages or environment.One should take note that the benefit of having a family is not the blood relationship but covers to all Muslims.
Responsibilities
"Men are the maintainers of women because Allah has made some of them to excel others and because they spend out of their property; the good women are therefore obedient, guarding the unseen as Allah has guarded; and (as to) those on whose part you fear desertion, admonish them, and leave them alone in the sleeping-places and beat them; then if they obey you, do not seek a way against them; surely Allah is High, Great."(4:34)
In a society, men are resposible for the supports of their family.This is the syarak(law) and moral responsibility.What belongs to the wife is fully hers.She can spend it, or use it for the family needs.
Wives are responsible in taking care of their home and keeping the harmony in their families.They can give out their thoughts on matters but the best is to maintain the marriage relationships by accepting that their husbands are incharge of everything.They should obey their husbands decissions even though it's hard to agree as long as the decissions don't go over the limit.This is the meaning of obeying in the Islamic marriage context.
Husbands at the same time have to be tolerance towards wives. Women are exceptional in the equality of men and women so that they can give full attention on her works.Their roles are important for the husbands easeness and the forming of physical and spiritual of their children.These children will be the future generations.Like what the Arabic proverb says Mother is the school.
"Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour."(17:23)
" And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command), "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal." (31:14)
Before ending,I include some hadiths.They can be useful for a clearer explaination of the Quran.
Narrated Ibn Umar:
I heard Allah's Apostle saying, "All of you are Guardians." Yunis said: Ruzaiq bin Hukaim wrote to Ibn Shihab while I was with him at Wadi-al-Qura saying, "Shall I lead the Jumua prayer?" Ruzaiq was working on the land (i.e farming) and there was a group of Sudanese people and some others with him; Ruzaiq was then the Governor of Aila. Ibn Shihab wrote (to Ruzaiq) ordering him to lead the Jumua prayer and telling him that Salim told him that 'Abdullah bin 'Umar had said, "I heard Allah's Apostle saying, 'All of you are guardians and responsible for your wards and the things under your care. The Imam (i.e. ruler) is the guardian of his subjects and is responsible for them and a man is the guardian of his family and is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband's house and is responsible for it. A servant is the guardian of his master's belongings and is responsible for them.' I thought that he also said, 'A man is the guardian of his father's property and is responsible for it. All of you are guardians and responsible for your wards and the things under your care."
Narrated 'Aisha:
Allah's Apostle said, "When a woman gives in charity from her husband's meals without wasting the property of her husband, she will get a reward for it, and her husband too will get a reward for what he earned and the store-keeper will have the reward likewise."
Narrated Aisha:
Regarding the explanation of the following verse:-- "If a wife fears Cruelty or desertion On her husband's part." (4.128) A man may dislike his wife and intend to divorce her, so she says to him, "I give up my rights, so do not divorce me." The above verse was revealed concerning such a case.
Narrated Aisha:
The following Verse: If a woman fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part (i.e. the husband notices something unpleasant about his wife, such as old age or the like, and wants to divorce her, but she asks him to keep her and provide for her as he wishes). (4.128) "There is no blame on them if they reconcile on such basis."
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers.
Narrated 'Aisha:
Hind bint 'Utba said, "O Allah's Apostle! Abu Sufyan is a miser and he does not give me what is sufficient for me and my children. Can I take of his property without his knowledge?" The Prophet said, "Take what is sufficient for you and your children, and the amount should be just and reasonable.
Mardhiah Mansor
Assalamu Alaykum Ya Muslimeen !
Hello Pokka !
I apologize for replying late, and also wish to make it clear that i have not read all the responses to Pokka's question, for which i apologize before hand.
I found an interesting article on this very topic, which i wished to share with Pokka and others.
It is written by a well known Muslim scholar of our times, namely Dr. Jamaal Badawi. It states:
In the event of a family dispute, the Qur'an exhorts the husband to
treat his wife kindly and not overlook her POSITIVE ASPECTS (see
Qur'an 4:19). If the problem relates to the wife's behavior, her
husband may exhort her and appeal for reason. In most cases, this
measure is likely to be sufficient. In cases where the problem
continues, the husband may express his displeasure in another peaceful
manner, by sleeping in a separate bed from hers. There are cases,
however, in which a wife persists in deliberate mistreatment and
expresses contempt of her husband and disregard for her marital
obligations. Instead of divorce, the husband may resort to another
measure that may save the marriage, at least in some cases. Such a
measure is more accurately described as a gentle tap on the body, but
NEVER ON THE FACE, making it more of a symbolic measure then a
punitive one. Following is the related Qur'anic text:
Men are the protectors and maintainers of women. because Allah has
given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support
them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly
obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have
them guard. As to those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and
ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next) do not share their beds,
(and last) beat (tap) them (lightly); but if they return to obedience,
seek not against them means (of annoyance): for Allah is Most High,
Great (above you all). (4:34)
Even here, that maximum measure is limited by the following:
a. It must be seen as A RARE EXCEPTION TO THE REPEATED EXHORTATION OF
MUTUAL RESPECT, KINDNESS AND GOOD TREATMENT, discussed earlier.
Based on the Qur'an and hadith this measure may be used in the cases
of lewdness on the part of the wife or extreme refraction and
rejection of the husband's reasonable requests on a consistent basis
(nushuz). Even then, other measures, such as exhortation, should be
tried first.
b. As defined by hadith, it is NOT PERMISSIBLE TO STRIKE ANYONE'S
FACE, CAUSE ANY BODILY HARM OR EVEN BE HARSH. What the hadith
qualified as dharban ghayra mubarrih, or light striking, was
interpreted by early jurists as a (symbolic) use of miswak (a small
natural toothbrush)! They further qualified permissible "striking" as
that which leaves no mark on the body. It is interesting that this
latter fourteen-centuries-old qualifier is the criterion used in
contemporary American law to separate a light and harmless tap or
strike from "abuse" in the legal sense. This makes it clear that even
this extreme, last resort, and "lesser of the two evils" measure that
may save a marriage does not meet the definitions of "physical abuse,"
"family violence, " or "wife battering" in the 20th century law in
liberal democracies, where such extremes are so commonplace that they
are seen as national concerns.
c. The permissibility of such symbolic expression of the seriousness
of continued refraction DOES NOT IMPLY ITS DESIRABILITY. In several
ahadith, Prophet Muhammad (P) discouraged this measure. Among his
sayings are the following: "Do not beat the female servants of Allah;"
"Some (women) visited my family complaining about their husbands
(beating them). These (husbands) are not the best of you;" and"[It is
not a shame that] one of you beats his wife like [an unscrupulous
person] beats a slave and maybe he sleeps with her at the end of the
day." (See Riyadh Al-Saliheen, op.cit,p.p. 137-140). In another
hadith the Prophet(P) said
...How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel
and then he may embrace (sleep with) her?... (Sahih
Al-Bukhari,op.cit., vol.8.hadith 68,pp.42-43).
d. True following of the sunnah is to follow the example of the
Prophet Muhammad (P), who NEVER RESORTED TO THAT MEASURE, regardless
of the circumstances.
e. Islamic teachings are universal in nature. They respond to the
needs and circumstances of diverse times, cultures and circumstances.
Some measures may work in some cases and cultures or with certain
persons but may not be effective in others. by definition, a
"permissible" act is neither required, encouraged or forbidden. In
fact it may be BETTER TO SPELL OUT THE EXTENT of permissibility, such
as in the issue at hand, rather than leaving it unrestricted and
unqualified, or ignoring it all together. In the absence of strict
qualifiers, persons may interpret the matter in their own way, which
can lead to excesses and real abuse.
f. Any excess, cruelty, family violence, or abuse committed by any
"Muslim" can never be traced, honestly, to any revelatory text (Qur'an
or hadith). Such EXCESSES AND VIOLATIONS ARE TO BE BLAMED ON THE
PERSON(S) HIMSELF, as it shows that they are paying lip service to
Islamic teachings and injunctions and failing to follow the true
Sunnah of the Prophet (P).
So one can see that the early Muslim scholars considered that the beating should involve a Miswaak (something like a toothbrush). This is what the verse means, as per the early Fuqaha (jurists).
I hope i have helped to clarify any misconceptions that may have arised, and may Allah guide all of us to the truth, Ameen.
Wassalamu Alaykum Ya Muslimeen !
Good Bye to others.
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