interfaith marraige

[fela]

Asalam Ailikum
I am a muslim man who has found myself in love with a non-muslim (Catholic) woman. We have known eachother for approximately 2 years and have decided to take the next step into marraige. She has expressed no desire to convert to Islam and if she does decide to convert in the future, she will do it in her own time.

My parents are aware of the relationship. They, like most Muslim parents, would like to see their son marry a muslim woman. However, they are accepting of my descision and just want me to be happy. Her parents are also aware of our intentions and are accepting of it.

We have discussed where we are going to have a marraige ceremony and how it is to be conducted. Ultimately, we would like an outdoor (neutral ground), dual represented wedding with a priest and an Imam conducting the ceremony. Is this possible and are there Imams in N. America willing to do this?

Another concern is the faith of the childern. Please give me some guideance in this arena.

Please help
Thank you
Fela

[Om_Mohammed]

To all my muslim brethren: Assalaamu alaikum warahmatAllahi wabarakaatu.

Mr. Fela:

You, as a muslim, quite realize the permissability of marrying a christian woman, who falls into the category described in the Quran as a 'woman of the book'. It is legal and permissable...no doubt about that. And, of course, you should never pressure anyone to become a muslim, whether that person be your wife, prospective wife, or any other relation or non-relation. Religion is a very important aspect of our human lives, and something very private...something that no one should ever be forced into, regardless of the situation or location. Also, do not think that changing over into christianity yourself...as so suggested by 'macleod' is a solution. Islam is a religion for all of mankind, for all time...regardless of the location, as macleod is attempting to imply.

You should be quite thankful that all things are calm and peaceful on the fronts of the families of both of you. I am in real question as to the acceptability of the woman's family accepting you as her prospective husband...for my experience of catholics is that they do not allow their adherants to marry into other faiths within the christian realm...much less into other faiths entirely. Perhaps I am wrong...and stand to be corrected.

You should be more familiar with Islam that the islamic wedding is made legal at the time of the drawing up of the marriage contract and the agreement by both parties, with the signatures of witnesses (i.e. the engagement, as is termed in western cultures)...and not the final wedding celebration itself, like in the christian ways. It differs entirely. I mean...if you were to have a priest and an imam standing together at the same time...performing the wedding 'rites'...then they are two differing things entirely. What I am trying to get at is: perhaps it would be better...to have an imam visit you, or you (two) visit an imam a day or two ahead of the christian celebration of the wedding...to complete the rituals of the islamic section of the marriage...and then go thru and complete what is required for the catholics. You should inquire in your location about the nearest imam in the community...and ask his advice and ideas about this. The following address should help you to find an islamic center and/or mosque closest to you: www.islamicfinder.com.

About the children...they should most defintely be raised and taught as muslims...but in all actuality and in practice...that is another thing. There may very well be rising not only in your private relationship with this woman, but in the whole family atmosphere (because of the indane differences in religion and faith) many currently unforseen problems. Not only will there arise (probably) arguments about how to raise the children (now as well as in the future when the prospective problem becomes a reality)...but there will be a growing sense of unease and unfamiliarity between the two of you...the main and original parties of this family...because of the underlying and fundamental differences of religion.

I do not mean intentionally to sound or imply doom here...forgive me for that...but I am merely trying to help you to realize the problems that lie down the road for you in this relationship. It can work...many have...but it will take much work from both of you...and much understanding and tolerance. There are many such relationships that have worked...but not without many problems along the way, mind you. And...the problems that I am speaking of is much more...and much more deeply seated than the normal every day marital problems that occur in relationships where the two parties are of the same faith. And, remember, that even though there are some or many that have made their relationships work, there are much more who have seen it fail...causing disaster and pain in many more lives than merely the husband and wife (including their extended families, and resulting children). Just giving you fair warning and reminder...that entering into such an agreement and relationship involves much more than your current love for each other...and if you perhaps detect or suspect the possibility of such immense problems arising in the future, upsetting the lives of your possible children, then perhaps it is better to have your second thoughts now, before a time comes later...when you are involving many more than just yourselves.

Om Mohammed

[Zainalavudeen]

Assalamu Alaikkum Warah....

Sister Om Mohamed,

About the children...they should most defintely be raised and taught as muslims...

Is there any verse in the Qur'an on this (Children to be brought up as muslims) or Hadiths?

Wassalam!

Zain

[Om_Mohammed]

Assalaamu alaikum.

Although I may be wrong, and stand to be corrected, I do not particularly recall any mention letter by letter, neither in the Quran nor in the hadith, about raising children to know and obey any kind of religion, nor forbidding to raise them as christians, for example. However, there is much logical indication which tells us that this is the logical deduction. For...to have proper muslims as adults...when there is the opportunity in the home during the young and impressionable years, it is better to teach our children the best way that we know, rather than to leave them to their own resources, or to grow wild, so to say. The following hadith is example of this logical deduction.

Narrated 'Abdullah

Allah's Apostle said, "Everyone of you is a guardian and is responsible for his charges. The ruler who has authority over people, is a guardian and is responsible for them, a man is a guardian of his family and is responsible for them; a woman is a guardian of her husband's house and children and is responsible for them; a slave ('Abu) is a guardian of his master's property and is responsible for it; so all of you are guardians and are responsible for your charges."

** In this hadith, the reference that places a sense of responsibility on each and every person...is not only a physical and monetary responsibility, but a spiritual and educational and emotional responsibility, as well. It is our duty as parents, to see to the best possible education of our children that we can...and what better education than that of proper Islam?

Then, there is also the hadith (of which I regretfully do not currently have the exact quote)...about teaching the children to pray at the age of seven, and insiting on them praying by the age of ten, if they do not cooperate with your instructions (even allowing for a light beating as punishment if they do not pray by the age of 10).

Also, we are told in the quran that we have in the messenger an excellent exempler, as well as we are told time and time again...in the quran...to follow the instructions of Allah and His Messenger. Let us examine how did the prophet raise his own children, and even grandchildren? Surely, they were not taught in the christian or jewish manner. They were raised in the best of Islamic atmosphere. In trying to adhere to the sunnah of the prophet Mohammed, we should, therefore, take his example, and teach and train our children to be the best of muslims.

It is a thing of deductive logic, and I did not even state that it is a thing of commandment, or imply any prohibition of the opposite. But...in looking at the logic of it...it rather fits, to teach and raise your childrent to be muslims, when you yourself are a muslim.

Om Mohammed

[Rebekah]

I am a Christian woman who is to marry a muslim man. While I agree that the children will be muslim as there is no other way around such a fundamental issue I would like to hear from anyone else who is going into or is in an interfaith marraige and how do they cope with 'issues' that arise.
I would like my children to appreciate my religion while still being muslims and wonder how anyone else has managed this.

Rebekah

[Sulaiman]

Salaams

I totally agree with you when you say children should be brought up as Muslims on the basis of this hadith: Every person is born a Muslim, it is their parents who make him Christian or Jew.If a child is born within the fold of Islam.......why take him out?

Wasalaams
Sulaiman

[Om_Mohammed]

Hello, Rebekah.

I am a muslim, and have married a muslim man. Although I was muslim before marriage, I come from a family of all christians. Even that little bit of difference in our backgrounds (because my husband has come from an all-muslim family, with no background in christianity)...has made way for some conflicts. Any marriage will eventually have it's conflicts. But for mixed-religion marriages, I believe that the conflicts are even greater.

I cannot give you any real advice or life experience, because my husband and I are both muslims, and therefore we have raised our children agreeably as muslims, alhamdulillah. But, even so, just because of our differences of origin, and our differences of our cultures, there have been still many conflicts and hard times. I could just imagine the more conflicts and hard times that would occur for couples who are of differing religions. In fact, I do not see how it can really work...unless there is tremendous efforts from both sides for it to work, and for both to swallow the mistakes and misgivings that may come from time to time from the other.

Perhaps the greatest thing to remember for your prospective marriage is genuine and mutual respect for each other personally, for each other's families and backgrounds, and mainly for each other's religious beliefs and practices. If there is not that genuine respect, then all sense of humanity and generosity will be lost. If you genuinely respect him and his family and his religion, and if he is a generous human, thoughtful and concerned about his fellow man, then he will reciprocate with the same repect. Do not demand it of him. Respect that needs demand is respect that is not worth it in the end. Earn that respect by offering it to him first, and showing restraint at times of anger or misunderstandings.

I hope that all goes well.

Perhaps a way to help you to better understand him and his way of life (becuase Islam is actually a way of life, more than merely a religion)...would be for you to learn more about Islam. If we could be of some help, please feel free to ask what you would like. We will do our best to help you in that aspect, inshaAllah.

Om Mohammed

[Ender]

fela,

Congradulations on your wedding plans. I too shall soon be wed.

One thing I would caution you on. I was once a Catholic, but left to be a Protestant. If a Catholic man or woman marries someone who is outside of the church (Protestant Christian, Jew, Muslim, whatever), the man or womans proposed spouse MUST sign a legal agreement saying that he/she will raise all children Catholic.

Now, that doesn't mean they have any means of enforcing that (except through the Catholic spouse), but I thought I would mention it.

[luque66]

The differences in religion is just everyday's practice or the way to pray. Does these differences matter to God / Allah?

It is like wearing cloth / dress up. Does it matter to God?

I think the only thing that matter is, whether one person is good inside that means the person don't hurt / harm others but if possible help others. No matter what faith the person has.

Interfaith marriage is just like inter-race, nationality, inter-customs and the least, inter-human being. One person cannot be married to himself / herself.

Luque66

[Asif]

" The differences in religion is just everyday's practice or the way to pray. Does these differences matter to God / Allah? "

Incorrect. I suggest a further study of religions, and the differences between them. Allah will definitely not tolerate disbelief.

" It is like wearing cloth / dress up. Does it matter to God? "

Incorrect comparison.

" I think the only thing that matter is, whether one person is good inside that means the person don't hurt / harm others but if possible help others. No matter what faith the person has. "

Faith is even more important than actions themselves. Good deeds performed not for God, but just to be a good human, are just to please one's ego. Good deeds that are performed only to please Allah, and no one else or nothing else, then the reward for such deeds is with Allah.

" Interfaith marriage is just like inter-race, nationality, inter-customs and the least, inter-human being. One person cannot be married to himself / herself."

Your ideology, your views. It is not necessary they are shared by others. We appreciate your desire to share your views with us. Thank you.

Asif.