Marriage, parents and back chatters - I need serious help.....please

[illusionist]

Asla mu alaykum brothers and sisters.

I have a very odd query, i hope to Allah that someone will be able to help me.

I am a British Pakistani. I recently agreed with my parents to find a suitable partner for myself in Pakistan. I was at first really against this but I still agreed.

I have a really good education and therefore a really good job. I was hoping to find someone like me. With the help of Allah I did.

We then got engaged and planned the wedding for next year (2002). I then came back to the UK and my parents stayed behind in Pakistan. Thats when the problems began. The people who first informed us that the girl I was engaged to is perfect and God fearing and has learned the whole Quran by heart is now a 'whore'. So is her mum and sister!!!

I was shocked and obviously my parents and the girls side of the family.

After my engagement, I spent roughly 2weeks with this girl and her family on a daily basis, and Allah knows best that I did not find anything wrong with her.

I am now very confused and upset. On one hand my mum is ready to call of the engagement and is already looking for another girl. On the other hand my fiancee is crying to me on the phone everyday.

What can I do? I just can't leave her and get engaged again. The next time round someone else will say something about my new fiancee and then ill be back to square one!!!

I can't even imagine spending my life with someone else other than my present fiancee.

As anyone else had similar experiences? Are people in Pakistan like this? Do they enjoy ruining other peoples lives? Cant they see people happy? Are they too jealous to see this girl, who has lived and studied in near enough poverty suddenly move over to England and have a good life?

Can someone direct me to the right path? I feel like Im on the verge of loosing everything......All respect i had for women is rapidly dissapearing.....

Thanks for your time people.

Khuda-hafiz

Asif

[Tayeb]

Assalamu-alaikum brother:

I really don't want to dwell into this matters with depth on what "these" people state about your fiancee. What they are doing is a major sin and insha-Allah they'll be punished here and Hereafter. Surely there'll be more knowledgeable brothers and sisters in this Forum who'll advise you with strong Islamic evidence.

To put any blame on the honour of a Muslim sister is a major sin and punishable in severest terms. I'd advise you to follow the example of our Nabi Muhammad (s.a.w) and the false accusations that were made on the Mother of Muslims Hazrat Aisha (r.a.) and to refuse to accept the accusations unless proven to the contrary. The Islamic Law is quite clear and four witnesses are required to prove what they state and if proven to be false they should be severely punished.

I place Allah as a Witness and I think these people who are advising you are commiting a major sin and had they been in a country where Shariah is applied you could have taken them to Court and force an adequate punishment on them. Hence, I believe it's a great Gift of Allah we have been given in Shariah an adequate treatment of these criminals - as they are nothing but that. Don't make your fiancee - and my sister in Islam - suffer in vain and win her heart and marry her as these criminals are surely falsifying all the matters.

I married my cousin who was poor financially and uneducated compared with me (no accusations were made against her by the Grace of Allah as Allah forgive me I'd cut off the heads of any such a criminal). I'm an engineer by profession and Alhamdulillah I am the happiest of men and thank Allah for having blessed me with such a marriage. You as an educated man should not be influenced by unfounded accusations.

Please forgive me for such long posting. My blood is boiling in reading such accusations against a sister in Islam :-( I thought I wouldn't post anything and let others respond. But really literally my blood is boiling.... How low people can be? Rest assured is nothing to do with Pakistan but the type of people you unfortunately came to know... In Pakistan live some of the greatest Muslims and I've have also family there who are working for the sake of Allah and do their bit for Islam - the Great Gift Allah gave us - the Religion of True Path!

Wa-salaam,
Tayeb

[Om_Mohammed]

Assalaamu alaikum.

Brother Tayeb is really so right in all that he has said, and his suggestion that you follow the example of our beloved prophet, at his time which was similar to your situation now. SubhanAllah...surely Allah was so wise in advising us that in the Messenger of Allah we have an excellent exempler! He was so wise and foresighted...to give the messenger trials and problems to live through, setting for all of mankind of all ages an example by which to look to for guidance.

Aoudhubillah...what some people will say or do merely out of meanness or jealousy. If you are patient, and understanding, and trusting, then your future wife is a lucky and blessed woman indeed. I am sure that you and your family did not make this acquaintance for engagement out of sheer chance, but that you knew well of the woman and her family beforehand. If that is truly the case, then you probably are convinced that all of the gossip going against your fiancee is baseless, anyways.

Yes, you are from that land, Pakistan, and your fiancee and her family also. But...you have stated and implied that you will be living in England. So...what is the problem there? At least...at that stage, you will be far away from those back-biters. They are the losers in this all, regardless of if you go back to there, or stay in England.

Seek strength in reading the Quran, remembering Allah much, and taking good example from the example of the prophet when he was in similar situation.

Pray to Allah that those who have trespassed you by their gossip will either be rightfully guided, or that they will receive their due punishment and humiliation for their bad deeds.

May Allah help you through this.

Om Mohammed.